Sunny Days in Heaven
Spiritual/Political/Philosophical Blog on the Nature of Truth and Falsehood and Heaven

Tuesday, May 10, 2005  

NBC’s Revelations

Kathy Shaidle
wants to know if anyone watching it likes it. I’ve been watching it so I will tell her about it.

First off, the book of the Bible is actually Revelation. No plural “s”. But let that pass. The first three episodes weren’t bad. The weaving of a family story of a crime, bizarre as it is, was useful. A satanic cult kidnapped a science professor’s daughter and took her heart for some ritual.

I’m not going to recap the whole plot, only point out where it goes wrong. First off, a girl brain dead from a thunderbolt (she deserved it, the disobedient brat) on life support starts talking. That’s fine, but the first priest to come and render Last Rites hears that she’s speaking Latin and he knows it perfectly! (Because we know that all priests are still fluent in Latin.)

That’s silly, but let that pass. It doesn’t kill the story.

By the time the fourth episode rolled around, my eyes started doing the same. At this pace we’ll never get to the end of the world. Earlier I had remarked to my wife, “And exactly how do they intend to end the whole world when we know that life goes on when the show is over? I mean, a good apocalypse story has to take you to an aftermath. How can this which ends with Heaven? How are you going to show that?”

Then I figured that they didn’t have to end the world, but bury the Beast in the Pit for a thousand years of peace before the next big blast of final evil and judgment.

Ahh, but then the nun states that in the midst of Armageddon, we could prevent it or stave it off for another time. There will thus be no apocalypse. Humanity wins a reprieve. Darn! I love apocalypses.

Even though the anti-Christ is coming, and somehow Jesus is going to be reborn as a baby, God will hit PAUSE because good people make a case like Abraham negotiating with God over Sodom’s fate.

Now the really big howlers. The Satanist leader is in court and makes a defiant speech to the judge. No one zaps him with a Taser or electric belt. They let him have his say as they slowly lead him out. The judge doesn’t interrupt him or demand his attorney shut him up, and all of this is being watched on Court TV (I guess) by his fellow inmates making him their hero of all time.

Next, Satan Jr. is instructing his new prison followers in the idea that self-discipline is the key. Soon we see all the prisoners meditating in lotus position. Ommm.

Yeah, like the most self-indulgent population in the world is suddenly able to sit still for ten seconds to gaze at their navel. As if, after, oh ten heartbeats, Floyd the rapist, wouldn’t jump up saying, that’s it for me. Tried it. Didn’t work. Back to Onan, I go.

Oh yes, I forgot the scene where Satan Jr. needs a lock of hair and a toothbrush of the dead girl he killed (he sticks them in his mouth) to go into a trance where he astral travels into the thunderbolt brain dead girl (supposedly channeling the ritually sacrificed dead girl's spirit) to look through her eyes to see where she might be (since she is apparently thwarting his plans). Must be crowded in that room.

Magic! Get it. Satan uses magic, incantations, formulas, and so forth to do his will. As if God is powerless to stop him if he uses just the right form.

God: Yep, this 10666 is perfectly filled out. Guess I have to let you astral travel into somebody else’s body.

Satan: Thanks, God. I like it that you’re a stickler for rules.

Then there is the phenomena where women are having Rosemary Babies all over the place. The nun sees an ultrasound of one pregnant woman in Montreal, and it shows the kid to be a monster like the spawn out of Alien.

No one (in this day and age in Canada, for Pete’s sake!) suggests an abortion might be in order. The nun and pal never mention it because, I guess we all know the Church’s stand on abortion . . . even when the fetus is a satanic monster and demon!! They don’t even try an exorcism (because that would be another movie).

There are a number of other absurd/silly things but these are the biggies from the fourth show which completely ruined an otherwise half-decent series.

And now that I know there’ll be no Apocalypse, it’s not going to be any fun. I was really looking forward to Jesus coming in clouds of glory on a white horse slaying the bad guys with the double edged sword out of his mouth. I was really hoping to get a head start on Judgment Day, all the plagues (and they still did not repent and turn to God), and so forth.

What a bummer.

posted by Mark Butterworth | 2:53 PM |