Sunny Days in Heaven
Spiritual/Political/Philosophical Blog on the Nature of Truth and Falsehood and Heaven

Friday, July 02, 2004  


The funniest things I have ever read were written by Brad Christiansen.

He was featured in an article in the Wall Street Journal a year or so ago. He's a reverse spammer. That is, when he gets spammed by Nigerian conmen, he plays along with them, strings them along, and cons them.

In the process, he writes hilarious responses and instructions to the con men. The goal is to get them to travel to countries and airports looking to meet him (and his fictious money) for their "deals".

The most recent of his exchanges is here. I laughed frequently and hard.

Other "dialogues" are here.

I don't know if Brad's an acquired taste or not, but he's worth bearing with (sometimes the email exchanges take a while to get in gear).

In this reverse scam, Brad insists they meet him on a nude beach in Holland. He makes them sign an affadavit.

Dear Senator Musa:

I would have preferred southern France, but thankfully I have discovered through a revealing Internet search that there are nude beaches in Amsterdam, at Vondel Park. As you know, it is of critical importance to me that all matters are handled without deceit. Therefore Senator Ali Sharmarih and I must conduct our meeting in complete openness, without clothes except for my lucky orange socks. The soonest I can fly to Amsterdam is Friday, July 12. Is this acceptable to Senator Sharmarih? Also, would the senator be willing to sign the attached affidavit in order to greatly increase my comfort level? Please ask Senator Sharmarih to fax the signed document to me at (XXX) XXX-XXXX. Thank you for fulfilling this small request.

Brad Christensen


Beach Conduct Pledge

I, Senator Ali Sharmarih, vow to conduct business in a gracious, polite and considerate manner at all times
while naked.

In this regard I pledge the following:

To refrain from pointing and laughing at my business partner, no matter how shriveled he may appear.
(Pointing and laughing at others, however, is understood as unavoidable in certain cases.)

To offer frequent compliments about my business partner’s virility.

To refrain from scratching at all times during the meeting.

Sign here: __________________

Date: ______________________

Senator Ali Sharmarih

Please fax signed form to (XXX) XXX-XXXX

He gets this reply from the scammers:

Meanwhile, I wish you could explain yourself better
concerning your " No LAUGHING and SCRATCHING" stance
in this business. It is worrisome to note that
somebody to whom we intend to entrust our life
efforts, would not want to chat with us or laugh.
As far as this relationship is concerned, you are (by
proxy) our brother. Can brothers stay togetherr
without exchanging jokes?

To which he replies:

Regarding what you call my "no laughing and scratching" stance, I have no problem laughing and joking with a business associate on a nude beach or anywhere else. In fact I look forward to good times and much laughter with you and Senator Ali Sharmarih. However, I would have a huge problem if Senator Sharmarih were to point at my shriveled 73-year-old wiener and burst out in a thunderous belly laugh. I also don't want to be seen on a public beach with somebody who is constantly scratching his private parts. It is for these reasons I must insist on Senator Sharmarih's signature or your signature on the attached affidavit and the signed affidavit's faxed return to me at (XXX) XXX-XXXX.

I am looking forward to what I believe to be a fabulous business opportunity with your group of senators, whom I already consider to be my brothers. Very profitable times are ahead for all of us.

It gets much funnier than this (if this seems funny at all to you). But context is everything with these email exchanges. The absurdity and inventiveness of Brad's imagination is simply a marvel, and a pleasure to read.

posted by Mark Butterworth | 3:36 AM |