Spiritual/Political/Philosophical Blog on the Nature of Truth and Falsehood and Heaven
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| Sunny Days in Heaven Spiritual/Political/Philosophical Blog on the Nature of Truth and Falsehood and Heaven |
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Sunday, May 26, 2002 Some sad but still sunny days I have gotten a number of kind and interested responses to my Resigned blog about no longer acting as a member of the RCC. Mark Byron counsels me not to become cynical towards the church and to seek a better (or more suitable for me) worship place for my family. Hokiepundit is surprised by the abrupt manner of my resignation; and Marc at Minute Particulars offered a kind understanding and hope for my faith. I haven't been thinking too much about doing anything other than as I have been lately. I consider my wife and daughter as practicing Catholics and a good place for them. My approach is more like what is suggested in AA - take what you need and leave the rest. (This pretty much sums up everybody's actual practice, although it appalls many in principle.) I think of the church (RCC as well as others) as a place of salvation, redemption, and service (sanctification, too, but that's a different subject). The RCC has pretty much rejected every service I was good for in terms of my gifts and talents, and so I was never able to find a place of service in which my contribution really mattered so that I would remain in the church despite its problems; that God was able to use me to do so much good for others. The irony is that however strongly I desired to serve, no one else desired I should (except as their servant who would simply do as he was told. I tried that, too, but if I can't be creative and treated as a person, they might as well buy a computer or a robot). As a person of prayer, I eventually became weary of the liturgy and desired a greater simplicity of contemplation, beautiful music and art, an occasionally positive homily (rather than the ubiquitous - try harder to do better!), and some focus on the risen Jesus rather than always the crucified Jesus. I have often heard people like Amy Welborn and many others complain about touchy-feelie liturgies, but there's something profoundly sad about fellow people in Jesus who resent giving their neighbor a handshake at the kiss of peace or feel put upon if asked to hold hands during the Our Father. I'm not saying we must hold hands, but either way, to fuel resentment in yourself over touching a fellow human being - the person you're going to spend eternity with - is a bit much. Frankly, though, the "me and Jesus" routine of so many Catholics in large parishes gets to be disheartening, too. That no one really wants to know you, your family, your witness of God's grace in your life - that's a pretty sad case, too. The idea that, by receiving the Eucharist, you've gotten all you need from communion gives very short shrift to your neighbor and the possibility of communion with him. The fact is that everyone has 18 or so hours every day to commune with God, and but one hour on Sunday to commune with your neighbor - so what is it that people choose? To consider any prayer outside of church as less real, and ignore your neighbor at church - to the point that other people will not even let you make eye contact with them! Before the recent exposure of so many cover-ups of gross evil and malfeasance of property (money, inter alia), I was very sadly aware that the hierarchy was beyond accountability of any kind and that it would never be overcome. The foxes guarded the hen house. I could bear with that so long as I believed in the great good of the church, in particular its morality which was radical and flew in the face of modernity and even modern churches. Where else can you find the truth about contraception, abortion, homosexuality, and marriage? Everyone else was compromising these principles and truths. Yet, doctrinally, I was being led farther and farther away from cherished Christian doctrines and dogmas of faith. It became harder and harder to say the Creed. I found too many faults with it (and simply going to another church will not help me there). My dogma became simpler and purer as I believed God intended it to be. My sense of forgiveness and understanding towards others grew and grew; while my hostility to codes, covenants, creeds, authorities, conventions, rules, canons, the self-justifications of the church increased. Even then I thought I could remain so long as I kept my mouth shut, and made no public scandal regarding my 'heresies". But then, I'm no theologian teacher getting books published saying the Pope is all wet and Humanae Vitae is a tissue of lies, either. In life, I have found that I am able to bear all sorts of personal rejection and pains, but I do not stand by idly when I see it happen to others. The sex scandals demonstrated to me that I would never be able to stand up against evil acts against others in the church to any effect or good purpose. The corruption of the hierarchy is so entirely complete, that no man such as I may affect it. I cannot tolerate that for myself. I do not ask others to hold my position; not when they still need the architecture of a great religion to help them become more as God intends them to be. I can (at least for now) step outside of the church (in all its manifestations) because I have confidence in my faith and salvation, come what may. I don't wish to presume to be identical to Jesus as he was on earth, but I do identify with him, his rejection, and his independence of mind and spirit. I don't denigrate religion and I am not the least cynical about it. I applaud it and honor it. I simply no longer feel especially bound to it (as religio means). That will certainly strike some as premature or presumptuous, but I'm willing to see how it goes for the time being. posted by Mark Butterworth | 12:52 AM | |
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